Tag: self-esteem

Not Being First Doesn’t Mean I Am Last

February 16, 2019

I have been competitive in every area of my life for as long as I can remember. In most, but not all cases, it has served me well. A crossroads has been placed in front of me that I am figuring out how to navigate. In my mind I know what to do, but my… Read More Not Being First Doesn’t Mean I Am Last

karen fedder

Thrivalist, Blogger, Speaker

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The Last Few Hours of My 50s

Well, here I am, spending the last 3 hours in my 50s reflecting on my life. I’ve been doing quite a bit of thinking the last couple of weeks. If my brain worked better, I’d probably remember doing this as I approached 30, 40, and 50. Who am I really? What is my purpose for being on this planet and…

Dear Cancer

*In January 2014, I was diagnosed with breast cancer. My diagnosis would begin an incredible journey I never would have known to pray for. Nine months later, I wrote this letter. Dear Cancer, I am a bit surprised that I didn’t think of writing this letter sooner, but I feel this is the right moment. There are so many thoughts…

A Gift from Grandpa

In the past, I rarely thought my actions through very well. If I wanted something, I bought it, ate it, did it. The consequences meant nothing because my life was about instant gratification. I would deal with the outcomes down the road when the time came. In most instances, I would run from, avoid, or lie about about where those…

1,461 Days Ago

1,461 Days Ago… I heard the four words that would put me on the most amazing, incredible, empowering journey I never would have prayed for. The call came telling me, “You have breast cancer.” I don’t remember much else from that call, other than being given the name of a surgical group. It didn’t even hit me that this piece…

Dear Gene

Dear Gene, First things first, happy birthday! I know you are in heaven with Mommy and Daddy, but it is still the day you came into this world. I think of you every year on your birthday even though we haven’t seen each other since 1984 and haven’t spoken in over 10 years. It was your choice to exit my…

No Such Thing as a Coincidence

I remember saying “I can’t believe…” or “the strangest thing happened” or something similar on several occasions throughout my life. As I began my spiritual journey, I started wondering if all the coincidences in my life were maybe more than that, but I didn’t give the subject much more thought than that. A little over four years ago, I went…

When In Doubt, Say It Out Loud

I woke up this morning second guessing my decision to buy another home and move to a new city. It went as far as my calling my real estate agent to find out what would happen if I backed out (closing is tomorrow). She talked me down off the ledge, reminding me how I looked at her when I stepped…

We Each Decide When We’re Ready to Stop Fighting

My mother-in-law (the last one in this case) and I were very close. I called her Mom. She had polio as a child and somehow survived. Over a period of three months in her 40s, she completely lost her hearing. She had breast cancer in her 50’s. When her breast cancer returned in her 80’s, she told me she wasn’t…

Being Parentless Doesn’t Mean I Don’t Have Family

My parents died when I was 21 and 26. My only uncle didn’t have children and didn’t know what to do with my younger brother and I, so he deserted us. We were never really close to begin with, so I didn’t think much of it at the time. That he flew home to take care of his dog within…

Doing Nothing is Doing Something

I remember as if it were yesterday – believing it was unacceptable to do nothing. First of all, there is always a list of things that need to be done. Second, it was time that I would never get back and therefore would be wasted if I had nothing to show for it. The environment I was familiar with was…

Be Open to Whoever the Universe Sends Your Way

When I boarded my flight to Rome, I never could have imagined what was waiting for me. As they announced “boarding 1st class”, a beautiful lady, dressed very chic, boarded. Soon after I walked on, I noticed she was headed to the back of the plane. Never being one to miss an opportunity to be a smart ass, I said something…

A Stone for My Brother

The day is approaching, and I’ve avoided thinking about it. I’m not in denial, or maybe I am, but I just have so much on my plate right now. Nothing will change if I spend energy on trying to understand what happened: how did it come to this? Was there something I could, should, or might have done to prevent…

From Grinch to Grateful

The original plan was to see Bohemian Rhapsody, but I now know why I wound up seeing The Grinch. It was a replay of my childhood, my view on the holidays, and an insight to the possibilities when I allowed them to manifest. My childhood holidays didn’t need to be my adult ones… WOW!!! What a realization!

The Year in Review

I measure my year a bit different than most. As I look back, it was filled with tons of reasons and just a sparse sprinkling of excuses. My perspective was one of gratitude. I focused on finding the lessons in my life more than anything else – quite a change from where I began. Some of the most painful moments…

My Body Told Me How Well I Am Doing

I began having massages earlier this year at the suggestion of several friends. Each time I went, it helped for a little while, though the massage itself was never what I would describe as relaxing. How could it be, when I was so tense all the time? Charlotte, my massage therapist, spent most of the time loosening all the knots…

Whatever I Feed Grows

I found a gym soon after moving to my new home in March of 2018. I felt intimidated as soon as I walked through the doors for my first group class. Everyone was in better shape than me, seemed to know each other, and understood each circuit exercise as the trainer went through them. There was no way this could…

My Word For 2019 Is Believe

My friend Liz challenged her Facebook friends to come up with one word to focus on for the coming year. I immediately knew mine would be “believe”. The biggest thing that has held me back in achieving certain things has been myself. As the years ahead are fewer than those behind, I no longer want to continue that pattern. The…

If the Truth Hurts, Look in the Mirror

Many years ago, a mentor told me that when what I think, say, feel, and do are all in alignment, I am acting with integrity. I have done the footwork and very slowly become a person of integrity – or so I thought. After a recent experience, I realize I have more work to do in this area than I…

My Five Year Cancer-versary

When I heard those four words every woman dreads – “you have breast cancer” – life forever changed for the better. Yes, I said for the better. As I look back on five years ago today, I would never have imagined that would be the case. The Letter to my Cancer was written November of 2013 and can be found…

When I Compare My Insides to Your Outsides

When I was a teen in the 70’s, my family would periodically visit friends of my parents. I so wished our family could be like them. They were happy and all got along. In 1995, early in recovery, I remember going to a meeting because I was very upset about something. I needed to be around others so I wouldn’t get…

Filling the Void

There is a saying that you can’t fill a God-sized hole with man-sized things. I’ve come to learn what that means – when I have a void in my life, food, shopping, sleep, or anything else superficial won’t fill it. Going inside, deep inside, finding the root cause, reaching out to whatever form of spirituality I connect with and taking…

Not Being First Doesn’t Mean I Am Last

My Car Broke Down And It Was Amazing

I often talk about letting the universe guide me. Well, today was an amazing example of the possibilities that come when I truly let go. For the first time in the six years that I have been going to the same accountant, I had everything ready, and I went to see him. When I left less than an hour later,…

Spiritual Subluxations

The first time I went to a chiropractor they told me the misalignments in my spine were called subluxations. Whenever what I think, say, feel, and do are in alignment, I am at peace. I have dubbed the term “spiritual subluxations” when any of those are out of whack. These can take many forms: anything from feeling jealousy, speaking dishonestly,…

There Are Always Good People in the World

Deciding to allow myself to be guided each day was a huge step for me. I am a Type A personality that makes things happen; I don’t wait to react to what comes my way. That concept can also work against me. Over the last several months, I was slowly digging myself into a hole of depression. I didn’t do…

A Letter to My Daddy

Dear Daddy, At this very moment, on this day in 1979, I came in through the garage, walked up the stairs, and found you lying there. The best I can tell is that you came home, let the dog out on his run, and just keeled over and dropped dead. You didn’t even get a chance to reach for the…

Pen a Letter to Yourself

I was recently sent an interesting article on five powerful ways to love yourself. One suggestion was to pen a letter to yourself highlighting all your good qualities and offering the encouragement that you need to hear. Anyone that follows me knows my life is an open book. I decided to write the letter and make it public. Perhaps it…

Time and Place

Many years ago, my friend Greg Pierce shared that “faith” is an acronym for finding answers in the heart. Rather than looking outside myself for the answers I seek, I only need to look within. Sometimes I remember that, and sometimes emotions overcome me to the point that I am driven by them. The latter has been the case for…

Who I Would Be If I Got Out of the Way

I began imagining who I would be if I truly allowed myself to become all that I could be. While still a bit scary, some of the thoughts were quite exciting. From a health standpoint, allowing myself to achieve and maintain my goal weight would elevate me in several ways. I’ve used my weight to keep people away, for not…

Becoming Part of the Solution

You may or may not have noticed there were no posts the last few weeks. My life has felt like it turned upside down. Physically, spiritually, and emotionally I have been completely off kilter. My visits to the gym have been, well, nil other than once in the last 7 weeks. Meditating has been sporadic at best. My eating, while…

You Never Know Where Help Will Come From

My job is to acknowledge the need for help and humbly ask for it. I recently had several great reminders to get out of the way and let the answers come from where they are supposed to. The first and most recent example… A lady reached out on one of the Recovery pages I am on asking for help. She…

Not Everyone Gets to Celebrate Father’s Day

Dear Dad, Well, here it is again – the 40th Father’s Day without you. As I write this, it feels like I am talking about someone else. You died when I was 21. I remember the first many Father’s Days without you, and they were horrible. The day was spent getting stoned or drunk, trying hard not to feel the agony…

Being Good to Myself

“If your compassion does not include yourself, it is incomplete.” Buddha. When I recently saw this on someone’s Facebook page, it stopped me in my tracks. Perhaps this is one of the pieces missing in my life. I’m definitely good to myself… nails, hair, massage, etc. But am I compassionate? Would I say some of the things I tell myself to…

We Only Have This Very Moment

Dear Grant, It is a week, almost to the minute, since I texted you to find out if you were joining the conference call we had scheduled with a vendor. Knowing you as I do, there had to be a good reason you weren’t on time. I let the others know that I wanted to wait a few minutes for…

It Was the Best of Times, It Was the Worst of Times

I could never in my wildest dreams imagine a day when I couldn’t walk in Starbucks and sit down with a cup of coffee. The idea that Publix would only allow the purchase of two packages of fresh protein per person – that the store would have empty shelves where toilet paper and paper towels once were – never crossed…

Happy Birthday on the Anniversary of Your Funeral

When my Dad passed away in 1979, I didn’t realize he would wind up being buried on his 52nd birthday. It made a great excuse to get high and stay numb for many years afterwards. I had no idea how to deal with no longer being Daddy’s little girl. The truth is that I didn’t know how to process or…

Well, That Didn’t Feel Too Good!

This crazy and powerless time for all of us has provided so many great opportunities. I no longer have excuses for ignoring the ever growing list of to-do items in the house; I can write handwritten cards, text, or call people that I have lost touch with and wish I hadn’t; I can reach out to people I know are…

Why Do I Take Better Care of My Car Than My Body?

The only thing I know about my car is how to open the gas cap and fill up the tank. When I recently had to call roadside assistance, I didn’t even know how to open the hood as they requested. Instead, I pushed the button that raises the rear door so they would be able to recognize my car when…

What I Have Gained From the Virus (Part 1)

It sounds crazy, right? We are all stuck at home, and for many that means home schooling, few – if any – visits to a store, forced to find ways of entertaining ourselves and our families, etc. For those that are single, this means endless time alone, no socialization, and no chance to eat with anyone but ourselves. What could…

What I Have Gained From The Virus (Part 2)

This is part two of my multi-part series on what I have gained from the coronavirus. To read part one, click here. When this all began, I never would have imagined this would be what I’d write about. I feel blessed beyond words to have so much to share. Because so many people are suffering either physically, financially, or emotionally,…

A Belated Mother’s Day Letter

Dear Mom, I was drawn to write you for the first time in ages, and I’m not sure why. Perhaps it is because of Mother’s Day, but I guess it doesn’t really matter. I can’t believe you have been gone 36 years. You died when I was 26, so you’ve been gone longer than you were with me. Growing up,…

What Can I, as a White Person, Do?

I’ve done quite a bit of soul-searching this past week after reading many perspectives on the activities of late. I need to admit something that, looking back, is embarrassing to acknowledge. Growing up Jewish, I always thought I understood what prejudice felt like. Being told things like “it’s too bad they didn’t kill more Jews during the Holocaust” and “don’t…

My 45 Year Class Reunion via Zoom

79 of my former classmates met last Sunday night on Zoom for our 45 year reunion. I signed up and paid to go and then had what can best be described as an emotional relapse to the way I felt about myself and how I believed others perceived me dating back to 1975. Instead of holding it in and possibly…

It’s Peaceful Inside My Own Hulahoop

Do you ever compare your insides to others’ outsides? For years I didn’t realize that was what I was doing. I learned what was causing it… For me, it was about not being spiritually centered. Anytime it happens, when it gets uncomfortable enough and I reflect, it always seems that is the reason. The most recent example was my at…

Gratitude List for December 31, 2023

Grateful for going to my home group and seeing people I love. Grateful for meeting a lady at the meeting with 32 years in recovery and exchanging numbers. Grateful for being able to go grocery shopping. Grateful for being able to fall asleep in the midst of all the fireworks. Grateful for meeting a lady who is sober but hasn’t…

Gratitude List for January 1, 2024

Grateful for waking up early and attending a 30 minute spiritual meeting online to start the year off right. Grateful for a call with my sponsor to catch her up on everything going on with me. Grateful for a call with a lady that is going to help me get my blog going again. Grateful for getting more organized in…

Gratitude List for January 2, 2024

Grateful for my workout… slowly getting back to it. Grateful for sharing my truth with my boss. Grateful for a wonderful conversation with someone that wants to start their own business. Grateful for my first day of no sugar. Grateful for a call from a very special friend and our years of sharing tears and laughter. You are special so…

Gratitude List for January 3, 2024

Grateful for sharing something painful in a meeting I felt safe in. Grateful for a new attitude towards something central in my life. Grateful for acknowledging a success I have achieved that I truly didn’t realize until a meeting last night. Grateful for choosing to reach out to the CEO of a huge company regarding a matter I don’t feel…

Gratitude list for January 15, 2024 including weekly prayer list

Weekly prayer list below: Gratitude list for January 15, 2024 – 1. Grateful for an awesome manager at the Sketchers store. 2. Grateful for an awesome home group meeting. 3. Grateful for not procrastinating on getting prep work done for a meeting. 4. Grateful for a nap. 5. Grateful for the incredibly beautiful clouds I saw. Weekly Prayer List: I…

10 Years Ago TODAY!

This morning I woke up remembering this day 10 years ago as if it was yesterday. It was a day like any other, January 26, 2014. For some reason I was working from home which I didn’t normally do at that time. I’m in sales so my phone (hopefully) rings a lot. I picked up not giving it a second…

Being My Own Valentine

I walked through a Publix parking lot this afternoon and noticed a lot of guys carrying flowers and balloons. Initially, this was a reminder that, on yet another Valentine’s Day, I am alone. But as I walked in and saw display tables lined with even more flowers and balloons, my thoughts turned elsewhere. I wondered how many of those purchases…

Jealousy and Envy Blinded Me

My parents died when I was 21 & 26. I was never taught how to process emotions, only how to hide them. My feelings came out in all kinds of self-destructive ways; jealousy, addiction, anger. I didn’t even know it was happening. Years later I went into recovery for drug addiction and started working on myself in a way I…

Doing It My Way

I want to share how I am choosing to travel because sometimes we need to give ourselves permission to do what’s right for us and not what most other people do. I’m currently in Florence for 9 days. The only things I have booked are a cooking class along with going to an olive rove and a class to make…

I’m Finally a Human Being

Many years ago I was attending a Narcotics Anonymous convention. On Sunday morning while packing to go home, I asked myself who I knew better today than Friday when I arrived and the answer was nobody. The truth is that no matter what I was doing or who I was talking to, I was always looking around or past them…

What’s the Worst Thing That Can Happen?

I am so grateful for being my father’s daughter in that I have never met a stranger. This gift, and it truly is a gift, has served me my entire life, even when I didn’t realize. Rather than being scared of personal rejection (which I actually am), I take the more positive approach which is “what is the worst thing…

Blog Posts

What’s the Worst Thing That Can Happen? December 20, 2024
I’m Finally a Human Being December 12, 2024
Doing It My Way November 15, 2024
Jealousy and Envy Blinded Me October 26, 2024
Being My Own Valentine February 14, 2024
10 Years Ago TODAY! January 26, 2024
Gratitude list for January 15, 2024 including weekly prayer list January 15, 2024
Gratitude List for January 3, 2024 January 4, 2024
Gratitude List for January 2, 2024 January 3, 2024
Gratitude List for January 1, 2024 January 2, 2024
Gratitude List for December 31, 2023 December 31, 2023
It’s Peaceful Inside My Own Hulahoop August 23, 2020
My 45 Year Class Reunion via Zoom August 17, 2020
What Can I, as a White Person, Do? June 1, 2020
A Belated Mother’s Day Letter May 11, 2020
What I Have Gained From The Virus (Part 2) May 7, 2020
What I Have Gained From the Virus (Part 1) May 2, 2020
Why Do I Take Better Care of My Car Than My Body? April 18, 2020
Well, That Didn’t Feel Too Good! April 10, 2020
Happy Birthday on the Anniversary of Your Funeral March 24, 2020
It Was the Best of Times, It Was the Worst of Times March 22, 2020
We Only Have This Very Moment June 29, 2019
Being Good to Myself June 19, 2019
Not Everyone Gets to Celebrate Father’s Day June 16, 2019
You Never Know Where Help Will Come From May 29, 2019
Becoming Part of the Solution May 26, 2019
Who I Would Be If I Got Out of the Way April 17, 2019
Time and Place April 10, 2019
Pen a Letter to Yourself April 2, 2019
A Letter to My Daddy March 24, 2019
There Are Always Good People in the World March 9, 2019
Spiritual Subluxations March 2, 2019
My Car Broke Down And It Was Amazing February 23, 2019
Not Being First Doesn’t Mean I Am Last February 16, 2019
Filling the Void February 9, 2019
When I Compare My Insides to Your Outsides February 4, 2019
My Five Year Cancer-versary January 26, 2019
If the Truth Hurts, Look in the Mirror January 23, 2019
My Word For 2019 Is Believe January 15, 2019
Whatever I Feed Grows January 10, 2019
My Body Told Me How Well I Am Doing January 4, 2019
The Year in Review December 31, 2018
From Grinch to Grateful December 22, 2018
A Stone for My Brother December 12, 2018
Be Open to Whoever the Universe Sends Your Way November 2, 2018
Doing Nothing is Doing Something August 21, 2018
Being Parentless Doesn’t Mean I Don’t Have Family May 8, 2018
We Each Decide When We’re Ready to Stop Fighting February 26, 2018
When In Doubt, Say It Out Loud February 24, 2018
No Such Thing as a Coincidence February 15, 2018
Dear Gene January 27, 2018
1,461 Days Ago January 20, 2018
A Gift from Grandpa January 8, 2018
Dear Cancer January 1, 2018
The Last Few Hours of My 50s July 12, 2017

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