Believe, Choices, Gratitude, Lessons Learned, Life

10 Years Ago TODAY!

This morning I woke up remembering this day 10 years ago as if it was yesterday. It was a day like any other, January 26, 2014. For some reason I was working from home which I didn’t normally do at that time. I’m in sales so my phone (hopefully) rings a lot. I picked up not giving it a second thought. Many times in the past I had to go back for a secondary test because I have fiber cystic disease (fat deposits in my breasts). When the radiologist identified themselves I didn’t recall that I had never had a call from one in the past. It all happened so quickly. All I remember hearing is “you have breast cancer”. I don’t remember much after that other than asking who I needed to call. I got off the phone and sat in shock. How could this be? My family had a history of a lot of other illnesses, but not breast cancer.

I was in shock for about 2 days. After that I made the decision not to just be another woman that had breast cancer. I wanted to make it purposeful. I starting blogging my journey and didn’t miss a day writing my gratitude list. Yes, there was a lot to be grateful for. I had great insurance that would allow me to have the best care available. As a recovering addict, I never once thought about getting high over the news. For someone like me that is a big deal. It was amazing to see the people that chose to be there to love and support me.

The journey of a double mastectomy, reconstruction and chemo isn’t one I would have ever prayed for, yet I am incredibly grateful to have experienced. The faith I had was elevated to a level I don’t think anything else could have propelled. Learning what I am truly capable of has made me fearless. It was painful to realize the importance of doing what I say I will do. When someone offered to bring food and didn’t, I couldn’t cook or run out to grab something. I hope my word means more than it did then.

As I sit here 10 years since my diagnosis and still on an estrogen blocker for another 10 months, I know I am still here for a reason. Someone I know that had a husband, two children and two beautiful grandchildren passed away after her breast cancer returned with a vengeance. I am feeling a lot of survivor’s guilt. Why am I still here with no husband, children, or blood family and this beautiful lady isn’t? Someone told me I still have work to do here. There are a couple things I claim to be passionate about but have not yet acted on. I am going to stop saying “I will work on it soon” and get going now. This blog is a small step in that direction.

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