Reasons or Excuses

Well, That Didn’t Feel Too Good!

This crazy and powerless time for all of us has provided so many great opportunities.  I no longer have excuses for ignoring the ever growing list of to-do items in the house; I can write handwritten cards, text, or call people that I have lost touch with and wish I hadn’t; I can reach out to people I know are having a hard time adjusting to our “new norm.” Well, you get the idea.

The other side is seeing how this time is affecting my mood, spirit, and ultimate behavior.  This past week I had two shining examples that I wasn’t doing quite as well as I thought I was.  They were pointed out in both loving and not-so-loving ways.  Neither felt good.  The question I had to ask myself was what was I going to do with the information?

The first situation had to do with my reaction to the way certain things were being handled in the weekly NA meeting I attend (aka home group).  It is interesting that I truly believed I was coming from a place of love, and maybe on some level I was.  However, when it is pointed out that my motives were based on ego and trying to get my way, the “place of love” stuff melts away.  Thank goodness for those that love me enough – and those that don’t – to call me out.

Ego is an interesting thing.  Mine will deny, justify, and make excuses for poor behavior.  When I can move it out of the way just long enough to remove those filters, the possibility exists to see me through the eyes of others.  It definitely didn’t feel good, but I now had a choice on how to move forward.

The second situation was work related.  It was pointed out to me in a nice way, and when I wasn’t willing to hear it, a more assertive way, how my behavior was affecting others.  After justifying it to no avail, it was time to sit down, get quiet, and look at it through someone else’s eyes.  The results were identical in both scenarios.  The problem was the same, and I was the constant.

YIKES!  Now what?  Well, gratefully I knew what to do thanks to previous similar experience in other areas.  I went back to all the parties, made my apologies, and owned what I did, void of explanations, excuses, etc.  I was taught a valuable lesson about “I’m sorry.”  Any apology is hollow and meaningless without a change in behavior.  Time will tell if my behavior truly changes.

With everything going on right now, I thought these lessons were the last thing I needed. In fact, the lessons have already helped me to stop and reconsider how I was going to approach another situation that arose.  Gratefully I handled it much differently.

I wish everyone as peaceful a journey during our “new norm” as possible.

3 thoughts on “Well, That Didn’t Feel Too Good!

  1. Wow… So true to everybody. We all go through those “stages”
    A lot to think about. The way we react and approach things is a deal breaker!
    Thanks for sharing that.

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  • When I was a teen in the 70’s, my family would periodically visit friends of my parents.  I so wished our family could be like them. They were happy and all got along.  In 1995, early in recovery, I remember going to a meeting because I was very upset about something.
    Well, here I am, spending the last 3 hours in my 50s reflecting on my life. I’ve been doing quite a bit of thinking the last couple of weeks. If my brain worked better, I’d probably remember doing this as I approached 30, 40, and 50. Who am I really?
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